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Keys to Winter Survival

After 4 months of Minnesota’s cold and snow it’s time to escape.   Here’s the skinny on my most recent winter exadous.  The trip included a ride from Miami to Key West, some interesting characters, and alot of pina coladas.    

The Story:  The girlfriend (aka. GF) and I woke up in Miami beach amongst a mob of blue haired crazies. We hopped in a cab to escape another round of shuffleboard and happily paid the driver $70 to drop us off at the hard to find Eagle Rider, Harley rental, of Miami. Once we shook off our nausea from the cab ride we were ready for Jorge (whore-hay) the manager to service us (and by service I mean fit us with beat-up helmets that we opted against wearing due to our foolish bravado). The bike rental process went smoothly and before we knew it we were cruise’n down the Miami interstates on a decked out Electraglide.  Not being accustom to the ammenities of a fullly loaded Electraglide, my GF raved about the throne-like passengers seat and we soon settled in for a sun drenched trip across the ocean.

The first thing we learned is that people on their way to Key West are not in ahurry, which was just fucking fine with us, especially becacuse we were mixing navigation with site seeing. The drive is only 150 miles but we somehow managed to spend an entire day getting from point A to point B. 

 Along the way we discovered that each of the Keys pretty much looks the same and they all have some kick-ass, shack-like bars along the side of the ocean. One of our favs was Hog Heaven where we made fast friends with a dude from Connecticut who was missing his front tooth and claimed to be an amateur porn star – we settled in for a few more beers and listened up.  The take home message from king dong was “don’t do porn – you’ll regret it…. and your girlfriends dad will find it on the internet and hold it against you”. Words to live by my friends. 

The drive to Key West is a series of bridges, the longest of which is 7 miles (I think). On this particular day the sun was out and the bridges were lined with dodgy fishermen and thier mothers. They all seemed like they had been through some career debackle and had now given up the smack and settled in to a life of liesure and happiness.

We met a few more locals on our way to Key West, including a tough chick who was quick to offer us a place to stay so long as we brought our own tent. Fearing a midnight rape, we opted out. 

We found that the locals are a laid back friendly crowd. You can’t help but get the feeling that some of them might have been considered a “little off” back in their days as working folks in the Midwest or New Jersey or wherever they migrated from. But in Key West their quirkiness makes them cool and they make you think that you are crazy for not chucking your ridiculously stressful life to belly up to a bar next to the ocean day in and day out. Believe me, they were convincing. We fantasized more than once about chucking life up in the Driftless Tundra and sharing a beach shack with the porn guy and his old lady (OK not really, but the beach life is hard to resist).

I’m going to rank this venture on two scales: On an overall trip and fun scale it ranks high – like a 9 out of 10. On a motorcycle ride, roads, and scenery scale it ranks lower – like a 5 out of 10. The reason for this is that the Keys are frick’n great. The sun, attractions, and nightlife are great. But the actual route and roads are slow, straight and really busy.

The trip is totally worth doing, but keep in mind that it’s less about riding and more about vacationing.

© 2008 Driftless Riders of Minnesota and Wisconsin.